Sometimes ago, you thought it was the right time to be in a relationship. You met your partner, and you were convinced they were the best thing to exist since sliced bread. You started the relationship, and it was pure bliss. You called yourselves repeatedly.
The online chats were intense. You both would chat late for thirty minutes only to realize it’s actually been three hours and it was almost 12 am in the morning. The text messages were constant. The surprise love gestures were unending. The glow on your face was too hard for anybody to miss. You both were happy. You were crazy about each other. This was your heaven. This was what you always dreamed of.
Until one day, your partner started missing your calls. You’d wait for hours before the return call came in (if at all it ever did). If you complained, you received the “I’ve been very busy response.” You both are now online, but the chats have halted. You ask why they have not been reading and responding to your messages and they reply that they were not actually online because they forgot to log out. Slowly, you are getting used to not seeing their calls for days.
Loving them seems to be like you’re doing yourself a favor. Everything they’ve been doing to make you feel special has stopped. When you register your grievances, they make it sound like you are nagging. You would have walked away, but your heart would just not cooperate. You are crazy about them, and they know this. This is why they feel they are at liberty to act anyhow because they know they will get away with it.
Meanwhile, you are getting sad because you’ve invested so much in the relationship and did not want it to crash. Yet, you can feel the distance between you two widen continuously. The feeling of love you have for them now seems to be your punishment. The weight of having a partner who does not take you seriously anymore is draining you. Your partner is taking your love for granted. You can feel it deep within your heart because this is real.
Hello. Are you A lady or A guy? Do the above describe you? Having a partner who takes you for granted can be frustrating. It can even be crushing if you have put so much into the relationship to make it work. The funny thing is that in some cases, your partner would not end the relationship but yet would not fix things up.
So, what can you do about such a relationship? Below are four action points that you can take. While these points are not a guarantee of taking the relationship back to how it was, they are the logical steps that can help you become free in the long run.
1. Talk with your partner
This is the first step to every problem in a relationship. When you sense your partner is taking you for granted, it is time you had a one-on-one discussion with them. It is not a time for phone calls or online chats. If there is distance barrier, you can make use of Skype. But conversations such as these are best done in person. Let them know your grievances. Sometimes in a relationship, there are things you will be angry about which your partner has no idea about. Tell them how you’ve been hurt by their actions and give specific examples.
2. Talk to a close friend
This is the next resort if nothing changes about your relationship. Your partner ought to have a friend that roots for the two of you. This is where they can come in handy. While some people tend to frown at this approach, it can be very helpful. It can help you gain a better understanding of what is really going on. But if you feel this action point is not for you, you can ignore it.
3. Withdraw for a while
If you were busy and you dropped your phone elsewhere, how long would it take you to notice its absence? Thirty minutes? One hour? The reason is that your phone is important to you. We are wired as humans to observe the absence of anything that matters to us. If you got home after a hard day’s work, you are more likely to notice the absence of your television compared to your shoe. Getting the drift? Likewise, you need to know if you are still important to your partner. Withdraw from them for a while and watch if they notice your absence. Quit the calls, the visit, the messages and everything. If they notice it and come back pressing to know what is wrong, you should have another dialogue with them. If they don’t notice and don’t press for it, that is a bad sign.
4. End the relationship
If they don’t notice your withdrawal, it means it is time to let go. It is a sign that they are taking you for granted because they stopped loving you a long time ago. Yes, you may still have feelings for them, but it is time to move on. Don’t try to force someone into accepting you or staying with you. You need to recognize when it ends.
An extra action point
Work on yourself: Rather than mope around about the relationship, engross yourself in something new and challenging. Doing this can help you heal faster. Take a trip and visit new places. You can learn a skill or new languages. You can write a book or take a special course. Whatever your choice may be, channel your sadness over the relationship into becoming far better than you are now. Your partner may return or not. What you do with that is entirely up to you. But you can choose not to remain hurt and pained anymore. Remaining in a dating relationship where you are being taken for granted it’s an abuse to yourself.
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