1.Before you begin dating someone, be sure you are clear on your priorities. Be sure that they have the things that you value most, and be sure that they don’t have things you can’t tolerate. Look at me talking about before you begin dating. I mean before you even fall in love with someone! So many of us allow ourselves to fall in love with the wrong person and hope to work a miracle. Come on, why catch a shark and hope to turn it into a dolphin when it is already in your net? Isn’t it simpler you just fish for a dolphin!
And then many of us look for love in all the wrong places. And then we complain when we get exactly what is in there. You don’t go looking for animals inside a river! You look for fishes there!
Looking for love is also much about location as it is about type of people. Imagine where and what the type of person you want, would be and what they’ll be doing there.
2. For you to be able to properly love someone, they need to look like you a lot. Don’t do loving someone that is your complete opposite and think that it will work. This opposites attract rule only works to a certain limit, beyond which you will have a lot of quarrels. So they must look like you a lot and your differences should be very minimal.
You should observe their lifestyle, is it the type of life you live or at least one you can cope with? Observe their character traits what are the two character traits you cannot do without. Then check if they have them. What is the one thing character trait you don’t like, and cannot cope with, make sure they don’t have it. It’s non negotiable. Then go to their personality, there are a lot of forgivable things in this category, but write down two or three things you want and can’t do without, write one thing you can’t cope with. And on.. Get involved with someone that thinks like you, moved by many things that moves you, passionate about the things you are or at least does not discourage you, and has a will that is compatible with yours.
3. Once in a while people break up and get back together. And this in my view should not be more than once in a lifetime. But if your relationship is littered with many breakups and reunions, I’m just here lying on my bed and picking my fingers hoping that you would one day recover from that enchantment. When someone repeatedly dumps and picks you up, you should know that person is an indecisive serial dater. They are looking for something in everyone and comparing you with everyone else. That kind of person will never be satisfied with you and will most likely cheat on you soon. If you are already experiencing this I hope you jilt them and find love else where.
4. I know you want to get a masters, have this amount of money, get a house of your own and this and that before you get married. You’ve got it all planned out haven’t you? and you’re just waiting for the ideal conditions..well, I’ll have you know that there is nothing in real life that is called ideal, ideal only exists in people’s imaginations and is only ideal because it’s not reality. When you would have gotten all you hope for today, I’m sure you’ll be hoping for new ones tomorrow. If you can put food on the table, put someone under a roof, and know how to love another person, go and get married next Saturday.
5. Well we are in a happy spenders age where the money runs much much faster than it takes to come. You work for 30 days to earn just enough money you can spend within 24 hrs, and we really do spend it in 24 hrs. So we always encourage people to save first before spending. Spend of what is left after saving. But that not withstanding, in a relationship, you don’t want to be with someone that is extremely save conscious. If someone has a strong attitude toward spending money, it’s going to greatly impact the experience of your relationship. You want to be sure someone is not resenting every dime they spend on you, that kind of person will never be able to truly love you, you will always be another commodity they size up and pay for value. You will always remain an object, not a person.
6. Many times you wonder how someone’s character might turn out later. Well, look no further, their later is already here with others they’ve gotten familiar with, and don’t think you’re any different. The way they treat those people is exactly how they’ll treat you when this love tide fades. Look at how they treat other members of the opposite sex. How they treat the waiter at the restaurant, or the hairdresser, or the barber, or their younger ones, or their parents. You have a lot of information to look at, and see, Be sure to don’t excuse bad behavior. What you should be looking at is whether you will be able to cope with it when they start treating you that way.
7. Don’t even think of it. I know you’re not supposed to keep secrets from your partner, but someone that reveals things too early should in fact scare you off. Don’t be deceived thinking that someone is so comfortable with you so they are telling you things about themselves so fast. Well you had better check again, this person is wounded and is pouring out their life woes. Someone that you’ve barely known well and they telling you about all their ex dates and about their sick father, and this and that. This person so not looking for love, they looking for a therapist. Except of course you’re up for that you had better let them heal.
8. Sometimes I know you just want someone that matches you perfectly. But that sometimes is hard to find. So, many of us will have to take an imperfect person and do little touches here and there till we match considerably. That’s the truth. I will have to learn some new things. She will have to learn some new things too. She may have to develop some shared interests. Drop a pound here and there. A little adjustment here, a little adjustment there till we look much like one. Well let me tell you a little secret, every successful marriage did it this way.
9. I can hear your silent fears whether you’ll ever make a good partner. I can understand that. But I want to assure you that you will. Just be genuine, tender and truly unselfish. I’m sure the rest will sort themselves out.
10. We have to get to the place where we attach value to our words. Many times people that break our hearts give us warning signs that they are going to break our hearts, we just kind of ignore the whole thing and swerve right into heart break. Consider this yourself: if someone does not show up when they promised to, does not call when they said they would, makes excuses each time you give them responsibility, where do you expect them to get the integrity to keep the big promise?
It’s out of place. When people warn you in time, heed to them and prevent yourself from crashing….at least it won’t be that painful.
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